giving thanks

One year ago last week, we found out that we were pregnant with this little blessing. What a joyous day that was!! What I think I left out of that post was that we were scheduled to go in for a bunch of fertility tests the day AFTER we found out we were pregnant. What a relief and what a testimony to God's goodness, faithfulness, perfect timing, and sense of humor!

We tried for a year (which I'm aware is not "that" long, but when you are in it, it seems like forever!) Through that year, God allowed us to see our lack of faith, unbelief and trust in him.  SO many ugly layers of ourself were revealed as well, but such a result of God's kindness to us to draw us towards himself and show us our dire need for Him!

I'm reading/listening to a study called "Faith in the Night Seasons" by Nancy Missler. Boy, did I need that last year (but I'm not sure if I had the ears to hear or heart to receive what it said.) We are all on a journey of choosing Faith each day. Here are some nuggets from it. I hope that it encourages you maybe where you are:
  • Have you ever walked through a season where everything was falling apart. All your hopes and dreams were being shattered and your confidence ruined. Experiences like this have fallen on many faithful, dedicated and loyal Christians throughout the ages, not because of any personal sin or rebellion, but simply because God was strengthening their faith.
  • He lovingly removes all natural and comfortable "support systems' (inside and out) so that He might replace them with total and unshakable trust in HIM. It's a time where He leads us away from depending upon 'self' (our own sight and our own feelings) to depending totally upon Him.
  • "Night Seasons" can either push us towards God and a deeper Love-relationship with Him or they can push us Away from Him in to a state of unbelief, confusion, and despair {that's what we did}.
  •  Why would a loving Father allow such a difficult time? Well, simply because many of us still walk by the "flesh"- our own feelings and the the eyes of our own understanding, and not by the spirit.  This is why our relationship with the Lord often becomes stagnant. He wants us to know him INTIMATELY, so he allows a father-filtered night season into our lives hoping that the experience will push us into a deeper face-to-face relationship with Him.
Now, our season of struggle was nowhere near what other people have had to struggle. Though it's okay to play the, "well, at least we have ____, or at least ____ hasn't happened." it is STILL you're reality and your struggle. I've shared a little in the blog about our first year here in Texas and how we really failed a lot of Faith tests (situations that God allowed so that we would be pushed to rely solely on his promises, his word, and his goodness.) We did not really have Faith at all we realized!  

Although this post seems like its all about us getting pregnant- it WASN'T.  But, that just added insult to injury. Without too much detail, both of our identities were in something other that Christ. And both were being painfully stripped away. Thank you, Jesus! Getting pregnant was the outward struggle, while so many deeper-rooted struggles were the real problem.

If God had chosen for us to NOT have a child, he would still be Good. He IS ENOUGH. But what a blessing and gift Jacob is. I PRAISE HIM for answering my pray and "I give Him back to the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:27.

I thank God for the process of sanctification. Stripping us of our "self" so that your light, spirit and fullness can shine forth.

1 comment

  1. thank you for sharing your heart; i love to hear how the Lord has revealed himself to you; it is an encouragement to me.
    i love you,
    ko

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